Belgian lawmakers pass burka ban

Bad move.  Some of those women are REALLY ugly.

Rattlesnakes, Avoiding Roads, Become Inbred

While humans do the exact opposite.

Teen Crashes into DMV During Driving Test

Fail!

Thalidomide victims condemn compensation package

But legally, they don't have a leg to stand on.

Colorado Town Looks at Mandatory Voting

Copying North Korea?

Bad Habits Can Age You by 12 Years, Study Shows

So now 9-year-olds can buy booze?

Democrats push bank controls

And if that doesn't work, they'll try pulling them.

Late Poland president's twin runs to replace him

He may run, but if he's sensible he won't fly.

URGENT: Body of N.Y. Woman Missing Since '08 Found

Why the rush? Surely another day or two won't matter?

Cops Find Suspect Neck-Deep in Manure

And now he's in even deeper ....

Top Spanish bullfighter gored in Mexico, seriously injured

Bravo, toro!

Derby Favorite Scratched After Leg Injury

That itching can get unbearable...

Howard Co. violin teacher gets nine months for sex abuse

Fiddling around with his students?

Poor 'get less prostate surgery'

Is that because more of them are women?

Current Earth Day Challenges Harder to Tackle

Yes, how do you stop an erupting volcano?

Mafia hits 'new low': Seven reputed Gambino mobsters charged with running teenage prostution ring

Those Mafia hookers just didn't have 'it'.

Goldman Sachs was top Obama donor

Didn't do them much good, did it?

2010 Census response rate surprisingly close to 2000 rate

What's so surprising about that?

Promiscuous Women Cause Quakes, Cleric Says

When the Earth moves for them?

'Osama Bin Laden' Facebook Page Shut Down

Pity. Now I won't be able to unfriend him.

Canoes set out to recreate epic Pacific migration

Wouldn't they be more useful in the Atlantic?

Pope Benedict Promises to Bring Pedophile Priests to Justice

I thought that was a job for his boss...

U.S. seeks climate ideas after Copenhagen fell short

They should look at what's coming out of Reykjavik...

Toronto building unsafe after wall collapse: official

But not before?

Obama cancels Poland trip because of volcanic ash

Excuses, excuses.  Hasn't he got an umbrella?

Lost cat wandered from Albuquerque to Chicago

Like Bugs Bunny, it should have turned left.

Iceland Volcano Cloud Threat To UK Flights

Once again, Sky News lives up to its name.

Broadcasts Monitor puts 25 video streams in a tab

Only a fly could watch them all at once...

Calls to reduce light pollution

Apparently, heavy pollution is no longer a problem.

Nigeria's president Goodluck Jonathan vows to hold clean elections

Good luck, Jonathan.

AA Jet Makes Emergency Landing in Iceland- Amazing Escape as Plane Breaks Up on Runway

Reports of the plane's breakup are greatly exaggerated...

American Jet Makes Emergency Landing in Iceland on Cabin Fumes

... as are the reports of its running out of fuel.

Nigeria bill 'to stop extremism'

It's a scam.  Don't pay it.

Judge Takes Paper To Court Over Online Comments

Shouldn't that be electrons, not paper?

Most Young Adults: Oral Sex Is Not Sex

So Bill Clinton was right.

Pope Put Off Punishing Abusive Priest

It's called "turning the other cheek."

Pluto's Dwarf Planet Family Could Get Bigger

Yes, I hear Snow White has some up for adoption.

Straned whale euthanized; dart missing

Maybe it's with the "d" that went AWOL

Priests Commit No More Abuse Than Other Males

But shouldn't they commit less?

Suspect in bank heist was on parole for robbing Starbucks

Did he figure out that twenties are better than ventis?

The IUD Makes a Comeback

But who wants a DUI?

Sandra Bullock: There is No Sex Tape

No, it's a DVD.

Tiger Caught on Golf Course Using Cell Phone

And a big-game capture app?

Leeds man spared jail after drunkenly urinating beside war memorial

He only spared it because he ran out of urine...

New Scrabble to Allow Proper Names

Whatever next? Abbreviations? Hyphens? Foreign words?

Obama to limit use of US nuclear weapons

Next time, they'll use only one?

For aging drivers, knowing when to hang up the car keys can be difficult

Especially when you can't remember where you put them.

At Easter Mass Pope Hailed as "Unfailing"

Of course. As everyone knows, he's infallible.

World's 4th Largest Lake Nearly Dried Up

Are there only three left now?

Fire breaks out in Aon building

Let's hope they're insured...

Women Push for Rights With Topless March

And lefts, too, I hope.

Fossil Find May Be 'Missing Link' in Human Evolution

By definition, it can't be.

Pilot recalls highway crash-landing

He's lucky to be able to...

Disney bus driver charged in 3rd crash in 2 weeks

They should never have given that job to Mr. Toad.

Men have to be charged for using trafficked women

Well, duh! Did you expect them to be free?

Commuter Page: A history of traffic problems in the Washington area

Juat one page? Lucky commuters!

Officials Find 7m Cigarettes In Lorry

They actually found them a year ago, but have only just finished counting them.