Thursday, December 24, 2015

Madonna in court to bring son home

The court of King Herod? Now that's what I'd call OLD news.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

2 dead children found California storage unit

But who wants to store their stuff in a place run by zombies?

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Russian warship opens hearth

Sorry, Santa won't be calling this year.

Russia fires warning photographs at Turkish ship in Aegean Sea

To be followed by non-worker bees?

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Farook’s pal in ‘sleeper cell’ described as ‘goody two footwear’

This is political correctness taken too far: just call a shoe a shoe.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Modoc sucker, a small fish, taken off endangered list

They just discovered that there's one born every minute.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Turkey won't apologize for downing Russian warplane, Erdogan says

And I won't apologize for downing turkey today. Happy Thanksgiving!

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Did Google Just Eradicated The Need For Local Apps?

Grammar-checkers are still needed, apparently.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

World’s tiniest land snail breaks a record made just weeks ago

This time it went two millimeters in an hour.

Friday, October 30, 2015

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Canadian Whale Watching Boat Carrying 27 Sinks

That's because plumbing fixtures fascinate whales.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Police: Wiz Khalifa cited for public urination in Pittsburgh

"A whiz of a wiz" takes on a whole new meaning.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Lexus builds origami-inspired acrdboard car

It's cheaper than lpastic or hseet emtal, and easier to ofld.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Ben Bernanke thinks more bankers should be in jail

Wouldn't it be cheaper to install ATMs?

Friday, September 25, 2015

At least 717 Muslims die while 'Stoning The Devil'

Sometimes the Devil strikes back....

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Did Peter Dinklage spit his gum into his wife's mouth on Emmy night?

...and did he have to stand on a chair to do it?

Friday, September 18, 2015

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Colorado theater shooter gets life in prison plus 3318 years

..."and then to be fined forty pound"?

Saturday, August 15, 2015

UK to develop roadway charging for electric vehicles

But what do they plan to charge: your car battery or your credit card?

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Monday, July 27, 2015

Friday, July 24, 2015

Snakes' ancestors had four legs

...until one of them gave Eve an apple.

Friday, July 3, 2015

South Carolina church fire caused by lightning, officials say

Is that better or worse than it having been arson?

Thursday, July 2, 2015

What Are the Strange Spots on These Brand New Images of Pluto?

Soon it will be revealed: he's the 103rd Dalmatian.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Early human may have had a Neanderthal for a great-great-grandparent

And his descendants still shamble among us.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Bees contribute more to British economy than Royal Family

That's because they have more queens.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Bloody bat found at DC mansion site

The vampire has struck again!

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Friday, June 5, 2015

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Chimpanzees want to cook their food

"Oh, oobee doo, I wanna be like you...What I desire is man's red fire to make my dream come true"

Friday, May 29, 2015

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Pope says he hasn’t watched TV since 1990 and never surfs web

The Pontiff may be in touch with God, but he's clearly out of touch with humankind.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Now you can watch walruses in the wilds of Alaska, live, 24 hours a day

Sure you can now, but it'll be a different story come December.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Saturday, May 16, 2015

The Boston bomber must die

Valar morghulis.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Windows 10 Will Be The Last Version Of Windows

They're finally making one that works properly?

Saturday, May 9, 2015

"Scotland's voice will be heard more loudly than ever before"

...just as soon as that piper stops playing.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Construction workers in China accidentally unearth dinosaur eggs

Expect to see million-year eggs on local menus soon.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Saturday, April 4, 2015

South Carolina college student suspended over racial slur

At least he wasn't suspended under one.

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Study: Your baby is doing little physics experiments all the time

And for only $69.99, she can have her very own little EZ-Smash Hadron Collider!

Monday, March 30, 2015

Friday, March 27, 2015

Should you be worried about arsenic in California wine?

No need: the alcohol will kill you first.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

One Quarter Of Students Consider Sex Work

But the other 75% consider it fun.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Fire rips through Torch skyscraper in Dubai

Maybe that name wasn't such a good choice.

Friday, January 30, 2015

Birdbrains? Hardly: Baby Chicks Know How to Count

As it is said: don't hatch your chickens before they can count.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Missing hunter survives in woods for days on water

...until finally hitting something?

Monday, January 26, 2015

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Fitness Model Struck and Killed by Train

How many crunches did he make?

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Low Inflation Dogs Fed Even as Job Gains Point to Rate Increase

I'm glad they're not going hungry, even if they don't get much bigger.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Dog abandoned at train station with suitcase

And a label saying "Please look after this dog?"

Monday, January 5, 2015

What Will Become of Your Bitcoins When You Die?

You take them with you. That's why they're called cryptocurrency.