Monday, December 22, 2014

ISIS has forced 'thousands' of kidnapped girls into sexual slavery

Tacitly admitting that their fighters won't get their promised 72 virgins in the NEXT world?

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Methane 'belches' detected on Mars

How do we know they're belches, not farts?

Monday, November 24, 2014

Honda underreported 1729 death, injury cases to Feds

Heck--that's nearly 300 years ago--who cares?

Friday, November 21, 2014

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Uranus might be full of surprises

That's none of urbusiness.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Regular pot smokers have shrunken brains, study says

But which is cause and which is effect?

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Teen collapses and dies at haunted house

For how long did the extra body go unnoticed?

Teen collapses and dies at haunted house

... and its business doubles.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Sunday, October 5, 2014

UCLA one of many to be bitten by upset bug

That irate insect has sworn revenge on the nation's top schools...

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Water in Earth's oceans older than the sun

So darkness really was upon the face of the deep (Genesis 1:2).

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Not our fault chimps kill each other, study concludes

In fact, it's their fault that we do.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Rare Chinese Sturgeon Not Reproducing, Close to Extinction

Apparently now the virgin sturgeon needs some urging.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Scientists sequence gibbon genome

Try saying that ten times quickly!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Employees complain about new Walmart dress code

Now all Walmart needs is a dress code for its customers...

Friday, September 5, 2014

UN: One-Fifth of Murder Victims Are Under 20

Which statistically makes that the safest age group.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Friday, August 22, 2014

If A Fly Landed On Your Food, Would You Still Eat It?

Sure, but those things are always too fast to catch.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Chrissy Teigen tweets ‘I’m pretty drunk’ before throwing first pitch at Dodgers game

No need for beer goggles: she's pretty even when she's sober.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Jibo Wants to Be the World’s First Family Robot

A robot with desires? BAD idea.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Huge Amount of Dinosaur Footprints Found in Denali National Park in Alaska

How can we stop those monsters from defacing our national heritage?

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Geoffrey Dickens 'said paedophile dossier was explosive'

Luckily, they were able to destroy it safely.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Defendant freed in error by jury is killed hours later

Sooner or later, justice prevails.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Legalizing Medical Marijuana May Actually Reduce Crime, Study Says

And legalizing everything would eliminate crime altogether.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

MPs say crime figures cannot be trusted

Because there's no honor among thieves.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Russia May Not Stop at Crimea, NATO Chief Warns

No, there's crimeb, crimec and probably also crimed.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Nevada suicide victim lied about missing wife

So did he shoot her, or just not care when she left?

Saturday, March 8, 2014

'Portenous' takes Northville Christian student to national bee

I see you've fixed your headline, but you should hire her to fix your link also.

Monday, March 3, 2014

New Texts Found in Caves That Yielded Dead Sea Scrolls

Old ones would have been more interesting...

Friday, February 14, 2014

Son Repays Her Mother Thirty Years Later

...after gender reassignment?

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Racist Flier Sent to UCLA Asian American Studies Center

...where he'll receive cultural sensitivity training?

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Student's Pants Set Afire by Apple iPhone

I blame that new lie-detector app.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Air Force nuke officers caught up in big cheating scandal

Isn't that a bit drastic, even for the Air Force?

Friday, January 3, 2014

Man Loses 392 Pounds After Seeing His Obese Reflection on TV Screen

That's why a real couch potato should NEVER turn off the tube.