Monday, August 30, 2010

Hoarder's body found under rubbish pile

In the end, her rubbish hoarded her.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

U.S. to Rap China Over Aluminum

Sounds cacophonous...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Thursday, August 26, 2010

8 in 10 Americans Say Economy Is Bad

Not so long ago, they were saying extravagance is good.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Results in National Schoo-Reform Contest Spark Complaints

Apparently, they're incomplete.

Crash man was 'driving starship'

Weren't his deflector shields working?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Taxi driver arrested after death

Why arrest a corpse?

Dinosaur bones in Canadian sewer

Flushing overgrown pets down the toilet is nothing new.

Chilean Miners Could Be Stuck for Months

I hope they're earning overtime.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Dr Kelly death 'textbook suicide'

Proving his killers did their homework well.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Whiskey Biofuel? Only in Scotland

Scotland has whisky galore, but nae whiskey.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Montenegro Reaches for Respectability With Port Project

Maybe if they also tried a change of name...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Rare giraffe revealed to public

It would have been hard to keep it under wraps.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Teen Sex Not Always Bad for Grades

Especially if it's with the professor.

Only a fourth of troops surveyed on gays respond

A clear win for "don't ask, don't tell."

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Man drowns about 8 miles from where Obamas swam

So? Is there some connection between these events?

Buffalo shooting leaves 4 dead

A slow day for Bill Cody.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Obama Supports Mosque Near September 11 Site

But will it stop terrorists from attacking the area again?

Coalition offers $420m for mining, clean coal research

And how much will the oilition pay for drilling research?

US Senate hopeful on porn charge

...that they won't have to pay it?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

'Pasta is like live worms'

How to get a Klingon to eat his spaghetti?

Canadian Navy Boards Suspected Terror Ship

Is this an action, or its rationale?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ghouls Took Photos Of Dying Suicide Girl

That's OK, she didn't want to take them with her.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Remains found in Malibu Canyon may be those of a woman

Well, there's a 50/50 chance...

New Arizona law helps shield homebuyers from mortgage abuses

Now watch the banks campaigning to have it declared unconstitutional.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Hawking: It's outer space or die for humans

Or both, if NASA can't fix its cooling pumps.

Moscow Opens Anti-smog Centers As Fires Burn

Los Angeles could use a few cans of that stuff too.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Mother booked for sex with school boys

Pity, I was hoping she'd be free.

Report: Playmate featured in steamy UCF locker-room shoot; school apologizes

Next time they promise they'll switch on the fan.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Lottery Winner Wants To Buy 'New Knees'

He wore them out praying for a lottery win?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Fairmount Park hosting $100,000 quarter horse race

That's an awful lot of quarters for a horse to carry.

Some Pharmaceutical Clinical Trial Results Are Buried, Study Shows

Along with the participants?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Why did Churchill order a cover-up on UFO reports?

It would have been hard to fight them on the beaches...

Iceland snaps up Woolworths store

They're both bankrupt, so what's the big deal?

BP declares ‘static kill' of blowout

All's well -- that ends well?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Do snails 'have a homing instinct'?

No, their homes just follow them around.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

NBA Rookie Star Caught Going 120-130 Mph

That's a traveling violation.

Well-known Seattle musician killed in crash

He can't be that well-known or you'd have named him.

Mullen: Leak of Afghanistan Documents May Cost Lives

Yes, heads will roll.