Can Elephants Predict Earthquakes?

No, only the giant turtle below them can.

New guidelines on assisted suicide

Do they say how much rope to give a man?

Excess ethanol blamed in breakdown of police cars

And in many of their passengers too.

Near-universal passing provokes debate on school test standards

Are the tests too easy, or might the schools actually be doing their job properly?

Obama: U.S. Can't Fix the World Alone

Does he hope to fix the whole galaxy?

Defense rests in Illinois restaurant killing trial

They shouldn't take such lazy lunches.

Women 'need to be drunk to have sex'

Oh, so that's the secret?

I was hazed for 2 years, gay sailor says

Would he rather have been hosed?

Iran Warns Men not to Sell Women's Undies

But can they still buy them?

Man to ride around Australia on fish, chip oil

Impressive...but how does one chip oil?