Headlines: Aug 29

Kidnapping Suspect Admitted to Disturbing Sexual Fantasies
- Whose did he disturb? Or was he admitted?

India loses contact with Moon satellite
- It's gone round to the Dark Side?

Man, 23, gets 2 life terms plus 100 years in kidnapping case
- And then to be fined £40?

Pakistan suicide bomber training camp destroyed
- By overeager trainees?

Man stole woman's car on date
- He wanted her body and her chassis.

Safety drives over bank holiday
- All very well, but can he keep Death off the roads?

‘Halloween II’ is a vile sequel to a lazy remake
- Is that criticism or praise?

GM Sees Chevy Inroads in Europe
- Are those pickups or SUVs?

Halting Recovery Divides U.S. in Two
- Like the Mountain Range, the economy is rocky.

Banks deemed too big to fail emerge even bigger
- Ultimately they'll fall even harder.

First Lady visits Aids clinic
- Had to happen sooner or later.  Disease is no respecter of rank.

Mega Millions jackpot hits $333 million
- Big deal.  That's only a third of a Mega Thousand.

Woman's frantic 911 call helps convict her killer
- I suppose it was of some use in the end.

Californians Sweat Out Wildfires
- A new way to save water?

Apple: Exploding iPhones Not Our Fault
- Then whose?  Suicidal eJihad apps?