Police appeal to murder suspect

No, I won't do their dirty work for them.

Olympic notebook: Canon, Nikon get in the picture

Olympus, of course, was already there...

Tears Flow as Whale Shows Resume

I doubt if he'll find a new job.

BA trains strike crew

They should have stayed off the tracks.

Faulty Bank of Ireland cash machine gave out extra cash

Ah, the luck of the Irish...

Oxfam suspends programme in China

One hour later, their clients were always hungry again.

Lula: Fidel Castro is "Exceptionally Well"

Implying that he's normally sick?

Man Indicted for Breaking 'Into' Prison

If found guilty, will he be evicted?

Whitney Houston 'Dreadful' Down Under

I really didn't need to know that.

Man Hit by Train Twice in 2 Weeks in California

Keep trying, maybe it'll be third time lucky.

New Dinosaur Species Discovered in Utah

New?

20 years for mum who gassed children

That's quicker than waiting for them to graduate college...

What's Behind America's Falling Crime Rate

The gradual legalization of pot?

U.N. finds clues Iran is trying to build nuke

Wasn't there something similar with the U.S. and Iraq?

Obama Unveils Plan for Commission to Tackle Federal Deficit

How much commission does he plan to take?

Czech doctors leave tool in woman's abdomen

So do lepers.

Google Buys Social Search Company Aardvark

They're taking over the world...in alphabetical order.

Valentine's Day Bust: Cocaine Roses

Are they like opium poppies?

Haitians cancel Carnival celebration

This year, Lent began early in Haiti.

Wrong flag used in Fromelles burials

Oops. Dig them up and do it again.

FAA May Slap American Airlines With Record Fine

So that's why they need to start charging for blankets?

Suspect Plays 'Dating Game' Video in Murder Trial

An insanity defense?

Chicago awarded cemetery land for new O'Hare runway

Heaven's gate?

St. Augustine Air Conditioner Theft Suspect Arrested

Can he get freon bail?

Are you destined to inherit your mother's body?

Well, someone has to bury it.

President Obama Grilled on Super Bowl Sunday

He barbecued in a snowstorm?

Drinking beer could help prevent weak bones

It certainly strengthens the elbow.

Police paying for officer lap-band surgery

Donutectomy?

Mortgage Bankers Association Sells Headquarters at Big Loss

Could they have saved money by foreclosing on themselves?

Monkey spotted roaming Darwin streets

He's a long way from Manly.

Proposed Hebrew-language school dealt a setback

That should help, not hurt, them...

‘Days of Our Lives’ star Frances Reid dies at 95

In her case, 34,756.

Christmas Bomb Suspect Flips on Radical Imam

Pity he didn't just flip him off...

Tea Party convention begins in Nashville

How will the Coffee Party fight back?

National Prayer Breakfast Draws Controversy

Why do the Quakers have all the oats?

Giant Squids Lure California Fishing Enthusiasts

Isn't it supposed to work the other way round?

LaHood: Stop Driving Recalled Toyotas

How? Wait till they run out of gas?

Why a spot of sunbathing may be just the thing to lift a man's libido

Obviously, it's the female sunbathers.

Shakespeare's Death Ruled 'Homicidal Violence'

Was it a star-crossed lover's revenge?

Man offered degrees for spanking

M.A.= Master of Ass?

Indonesian man loses six teeth when cigarette explodes

Now that's a clever way to discourage smoking.

Rare ailment makes girl, 13, look like she’s 50

Your Honor, the defense rests.

Global Chip Sales Fell in 2009

It's all that bad press about trans fats.

Baptists Say They Were Trying to Do Good in Haiti

Something the Quakers can hardly say.

Plan to halve smokers in 10 years

Stop treating their diseases?