Nick's Headlines is taking a break

Back in June...

Missing student found safe in Merced

Now she's looking for the key.

Why All Americans Should Carry ID Papers

In case they need to go to Arizona?

Patients wait an average of 35 hours at L.A. hospital ER, complaint says

If they can wait that long, they don't need to be there...

Debt poses 'existential threat' to State

This calls for an expert in PPE.

Destruction of ancient forests at lowest level for 20 years, says UN

I blame the recession.

Pope Benedict places blame for sex scandals on Catholic Church

Whatever happened to "The Buck Stops Here"?

Man killed friend to avoid drug rap, court hears

Well it worked...sorta.

McGinn touts push to get people out of cars

And into the McGinn joints?

Egg donors are paid too much, study says

By definition.

Pope Benedict says sex abuse crisis is 'terrifying'

He should have more faith.

MSPs support new Forth crossing

A third Forth crossing?

Medical Marijuana Shops Firebombed

... and crowds form downwind.

BP hopes 'top hat' will succeed where dome failed

And if that fails, there's always duct tape...

Number of Abandoned Children in Haiti Skyrockets

How much does that affect liftoff?

Iceland Volcano Causing Travel Nightmare Once Again

Has BP got another giant dome to spare?

Australia well-placed to withstand economic turmoil

Yes, about as far from Greece as you can get.

Goodwill donations in Fort Worth range from sex dolls to hand grenades

In fact, anything that blows up.

LAPD officer killed in car crash was legally drunk

At least he wasn't illegally eaten.

I was abducted by aliens, says politician

But who believes a politician?

Mom refuses to return racy teen books to public library | What do you think?

I think she gets a kick out of reading them.

Updates: Grapevine moth fight set to begin in Fresno Co.

My money's on the purple striped one.

Niece gives 100-yr.-old eviction notice

Hasn't it expired by now?

Powerful House Chairman David Obey to Retire

Good.  I'm tired of seeing his picture plastered up everywhere.

1 Chinese baby born with syphilis every hour

1 out of how many thousands?

Arizona to eliminate speed-enforcement cameras on freeways

So that Speedy Gonzales can go home?

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo at home

Dozens Dead After Storms Batter US South

And with all that oil, will the Deep South soon be deep fried?

Bombing suspect passed checks to become citizen

So citizenship can be bought?

Suspect made flight reservation on way to JFK

So now he's in even more trouble—unless he used a handsfree phone.

Faisal Shahzad Gave Appearances of Family Man

But not on South Park--yet.

Abusive priests' personnel files remain under wraps

Unlike the priests themselves...

Hawking: Time travel will happen

So where are all the visitors from the future?