Job cut notices to arrive 'like confetti'

Are shredded notices valid?

Porn Movie Company Has Another Offer for OctoMom

Are they remaking Octopussy?

Spider-Woman Is Leaving Troubled ‘Spider-Man’

At least she's not eating him.

Deputies Say Robber Wore Same Clothing To Three Holdups

Definitely a case for the fashion police...

Audit under way at troubled north suburban waste agency

A good place to look for it.

Snowstorm heads south; some flights canceled

Or maybe you got no presents because you've been naughty this year.

Cosmic Reincarnation Idea May Be Dead

For now, that is.

Pope Says Sex Scandal Has Hit Unimaginable Dimension

No, those pictures are faked.

Snow Hampers Travel in Europe

They're about the only things that can.

Long Beach Police Standoff In Progress At Hotel

Isn't that an oxymoron?

Cash-strapped monks look to fully tap their baking power

So will they still be called friars?

Japan Announces Defense Policy to Counter China

Why are they talking to their crockery?

Jackknifed big-rig shuts down 22 freeway lanes

Now that's a BIG rig.

Obama meets with CEOs to urge them to start hiring

He's going to need a new job sometime...

Boat death toll set to rise, says PM

Yes, it's called "bloat and float".

TV meteorologist arrested for false sexual assault report

You just can't trust those forecasters.

Man killed after being pulled into wood chipper in Fallbrook

Rest in pieces.

Arizona police find fake patrol car with marijuana

Well, they say it's a fake.

Toddler rescued from toy crane machine in Pittsburgh mall

How many quarters did it take?

Missing Virginia girl found safe in San Francisco

But she's not a Virginian any more.

Goat Heads Left At Hyde Park Homes

And sheep heads right? That'll sort them!

Top 10 holiday threats for pets

Bad dog! Santa Claws will get you!

Exploding Qantas A380 engine had a 'potential defect', air safety bureau reports

But not an actual one?