Self-taught rocket scientist plans to launch over California ghost town

What are the chances that he'll join its residents?

Wall Street's Biggest Bull Sees S&P 500 Pushing Toward 3,000

But the biggest bear sees it pushing into negative territory.

Diesel drivers face £2-an-hour parking charge

Won't that just encourage them to drive more?

South Korea will not develop or possess nuclear weapons, president says

Unless North Korea fires a dud at them.

UK's May Demands End to Sexual Harassment at Top of Politics

Yes, keep it to the bottom.

'Don Trump' Tombstone Among Decor At School Halloween Party

A cardboard standup of the living Trump would have been far scarier.

US Government Urges Judge to Throw Out Lawsuit Over Transgender Solider Ban

Thus making the ban solider still.

North Korea: Trump and Kim call each other mad

So, which one of them is sane?

New mummies discovered in tomb near Luxor, Egypt

Major manhunt for psychopathic serial killer now underway.

Hurricane Irma will batter Florida and 'devastate the United States,' officials warn

Are these North Korean officials?

As Flooding from Harvey Intensifies, Astronauts Tweet Well Wishes to Houston

"Houston, YOU have a problem."

Trump cuts funds to fight anti-right wing violence

So now he's in favor of anti-right wing violence?

California’s Grid Prepares for Solar Power to Be Eclipsed

Just like they do every night.

Head cameras issued to armed police to improve transparency

Are they linked to a video display on the officer's back?

Statue of Liberty caught in White House immigration row

... and to be put on the next boat back to France.

Astronomers May Have Spotted The First Moon Outside of Our Solar System

Nice work. Now let's see them get it clean again.

Man accused of smuggling king cobras in potato chip cans

Weren't the spring-loaded paper snakes scary enough?

California man sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing 21 cats

That's just over one month per life taken.

US Adds Pressure on China to Reign in NKorea

So Trump is trying to start a war?

NASA wants to probe Uranus in search of gas

(No comment.)

Phytoplankton Have Turned The Bosphorus A Stunning Turquoise

How appropriate.

Fishermen accidentally catch world’s first two-headed porpoise

An accident? Or was it on porpoise?

Liverpool deaths: Three bodies found in John Lennon's former flat

Maxwell Edison should never have been paroled.

Muslim leaders refuse to say funeral prayers for London Bridge attackers

Will their severed heads be displayed on poles instead?

Giant sloth remains found in Los Angeles

That's because it's too lazy to get itself lost again.

Puerto Rico starts biggest ever US bankruptcy process

Now to be renamed Puerto Pobre?

Senator Becomes First To Breast-Feed On Floor Of Australia's Parliament

Wouldn't they let her use a chair?

Secret Service restricts public access to southern fence of White House after recent intruder

Build a wall?

Le Pen Ready to Be ‘Crucified’ for France as She Slides in Polls

Well, she chose the right day for it.

Meet the Billionaires Who Run Trump's Government

No thanks, I'm sure the tickets are out of my price range.

This Parrot Has An 'Infectious Laugh,' Scientists Say

Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, isn't it?

Macron on Top After First Presidential Debate of French Race

And cedilla on the bottom?

Two Runners from Santa Monica Place in Marathon Top 10

Brazen cheating! Santa Monica Place is less than a mile from the finish line!

IRS granted Satanic cult tax-exempt status in 10 days, report says

It's just professional courtesy.

Many are furious at something Donald Trump just did

And the Pope is Catholic.

Great Barrier Reef will never be as pristine as it once was: scientists

But then, nothing ever is.

Trump Says `Troubled Person' Scaled White House Fence Friday

But they found him and returned him to the White House before he could get away.

What can husbands do to support A Day Without A Woman?

Send their wives away for the day, perhaps?

Strong Solar Storms Remove Electrons From Earth's Atmosphere: Research

It's good to have some positive news for a change.

U.S. Airport Pat-Downs Are About to Get More Invasive

Now to include pussy-grabbing?

Schwarzenegger on 'Celebrity Apprentice': I Quit

Better than "You're fired."

Only a war can boost President Trump's low approval ratings

Don't give him ideas.

Majority of Americans trust the media more than Trump: poll

So he trusts the media less than the median. What a surprise!

Trump Vows To Bring Price Of Mexico Border Wall ‘WAY DOWN!’

By having Mexicans build it?

As Bee Population Declines, Researchers Looking Into Drones To Pollinate Flowers

Worker drones? Wouldn't that be an oxymoron?