Trump rants while 'all alone' in White House on Christmas Eve

Bah, humbug! But maybe three ghosts will visit him tonight and change him.

Police Arrest Emotionally Disturbed Man Who Climbed National Christmas Tree Near The White House

But will they be able to catch Santa when he delivers the coal?

Pope Francis says he's worried about homosexuality in the priesthood

Maybe he'd have less of a problem if he allowed his priests to marry.

EXPERIMENTAL ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE VACCINE MAY CUT DEMENTIA CASES IN HALF

Better than using a chainsaw, I suppose.

St. Louis ballet dancer mysteriously found dead in lake in rural Missouri

Did her swan costume get waterlogged?

President Trump canceled his trip to the World War I memorial because of the rain

Very prudent. Water might melt him.

Stephen Hawking's Final Book Suggests Time Travel May One Day Be Possible

So where are all the tourists from the future?

Coca-Cola to Take It Slow on Marijuana

And putting the coke back in Coke?

Limo in New York crash "not supposed to be on the road," governor says

...which explains why it didn't stay on it.

The Couple Who Helped Decode Dyslexia

After they rearranged the letters, they had Daily Sex.

Partisan Site Revives Old Pence Controversy

First Brexit, now re-duodecimalization?

Political prisoners caged with big cats until they confessed in Ethiopia

"Yes, we knocked over the fish bowl and the cream jug. Now let us out!"

DC is No. 3 on list of cities with the most mosquitos

They still need to drain that swamp.

Indigenous Guatemalan woman shot dead by US Border Patrol

"Serves her right for being foreign!" tweets Trump.

Harry and Meghan's children won't get royal title

She's pregnant already? That was quick!

Transport plane that crashed in Georgia was on final trip

As are most planes that crash.

Trump Admits To Authorizing Stormy Daniels Payoff, Denies Sexual Encounter

And how much hush money will he offer me too, after our sexual encounter (which never happened)?

Hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico Air National Guard mourns after 9 crew killed in Georgia crash

Maybe P.R.A.N.G. was a poor choice of initials for their organization.

White House replaces lawyer Ty Cobb with Clinton impeachment attorney Emmet Flood

"Après moi le déluge"

Wynn's Boston Casino Will Remove Founder’s Name

The House Always Wynn's--no longer?

A joyful reunion with birth parents leads to incest, murder

Joyful? Sounds more like a Greek tragedy to me.

Japan Wonders If Abe Can Bounce Back Again After Scandals Pile Up

After 153 years, I doubt it.

Stephen Hawking Dead; updates: Physicist had warned that humans would have to leave Earth in 100 years

Farewell Stephen: leading the way, as always.

Trump: US 'Willing to Go Either Way' with North Korea

The mind boggles!

Could Wildcat Teachers’ Strikes Spread to Other States?

And if they did, would the wild cats even care?

Our nearest exoplanet neighbor, and any life living there, just got blasted by radiation from its star

But since it's four light-years away, we cannot know this yet.

We still don't know if President Trump will attend the White House correspondents' dinner

..or the co-respondents' dinner?

Uber Eats driver accused of killing customer during delivery

Sentence first, verdict afterwards?

Skier lost in New York doesn't know how he got to California

Cross-country, presumably.

SpaceX Rocket Fuels Thaw in Chilly Musk-Trump Relationship

Just as well really. Frozen rocket fuels can be a problem.

Bitcoin Sheds $67 Billion in a Week as Prices Crash Near $7,000

Being founded on silicon (like the house built on sand) "it fell, and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7:27)

New bipartisan immigration plan introduced in Senate by McCain and Coons

But does it provide adequately for Wops, Spics and Dagos?

My take on Trump's first year as an African-American mom and veteran

That's just wishful thinking. He's not even a veteran yet.

Wait — Donald Trump May Be Having An Extramarital Affair Right Now?!

why not, while the government's shut down?