9/9/9 'emergency' dateline set to spark wedding rush

That wasn't how it worked in the US on 9/11.

Ohio Judge Orders Shoplifters To Wear T-shirts

Aw, shucks, no more topless shoplifters.

Obama: 'We Intend To Get Something Done This Year'

...even if we don't know what it'll be?

Sudanese woman released from jail in trouser case

Is that smaller than a suitcase?

NTSB chief bans staff's cell use while driving

Why not everyone's?

Study: 'Soft' targets more vulnerable

How much did they pay for that study?

Dirty Sanchez man stabbed in shop

Next time I go there, I'd better wash first.

Barclays Fined £2.5m For Reporting Failures

Quite right too. Let's have no more bad news.

Pudding renamed Spotted Richard to stop canteen sniggers

... and now the whole world sniggers.

Fifty Years On, Turkey Still Pines to Become European

... but can't afford to relocate the Bosphorus?

In Michigan, the Disappearing State Fair

Going the way of Brigadoon?

'Put Magda in concentration camp'

Does she have ADD?

200,000 Ballots Tossed for Fraud in Afghan Vote

Hmmm... who did the choosing?

Teenagers 'close to grandparents'

Puberty's getting earlier and earlier these days...

Ignoring the News?