Should we stop buying Christmas gifts?

Not for 3 more weeks.

Dinner Crashers 'Respectfully Decline' Congress Invite

Naturally. The food's better at the White House.

Arsonist to hang over deadly porno parlour blaze

Wouldn't spit-roasting cook him more evenly?

Lie detector expert jailed for lying

What does that do for his credibility?

Pandas 'chirp' to get pregnant

Is that why some people tweet?

After year of fights, shooting, historic Sumner High School may close

Seems a shame to end the tradition...

Women Cops 'Had It In For Knox Over Sex Toy'

Had what in?

Left, Right Slam Obama Plan

Which means it's probably about right.

White House Party Crashers Blame Dead Cell Phone

Hey, if I kill my cell phone, can I go to a state dinner too?

Virginia Couple Denies Crashing White House State Dinner

Oh, so it was Tiger Woods who crashed it?

Movement under way in California to ban divorce

Is it sponsored by Reno, Nevada?

Defense Lawyer Calls Amanda Knox "Naïve"

How do you pronounce that?

Dubai's Woes Are a Blow to Sheik Mo, Its Ambitious Ruler

Maybe he should ask Sheiks Larry and Curly to help him?

US lawmakers hope to question White House gatecrashers

Are these lawmakers not invited to state dinners either?

Court won't keep paraplegic killer in prison

But will they give him back his wheelchair?