'Noisy sex' woman spared prison

Out of consideration for her fellow inmates?

Suspension of West Texas sheriff remains

Strange fruit indeed...

N.C. Casino Cleans Slots Every 2 Hrs to Beat Virus

Will they also practice money laundering?

Straw To Be Grilled Over Secret Iraq Letter

That should incinerate it well enough...

Man held in solder murders probe

Sounds painful...

Despite recession, bank robberies dropped in 2009

Even the banks have no money these days...

Cops scour area where trucker was stabbed

Quite right too. Nobody likes seeing those bloodstains.

Man found shot multiple times

He must also have lost it multiple times.

Gunman Who Shot Pope Released From Prison

It's called "turning the other cheek."

Dispute over Gulf's name halts Islamic Solidarity Games

So much for Islamic solidarity.

Biggest UK mosque plans collapse

Better than having an unplanned collapse...

Filmmaker: Movie About Balloon Boy's Dad Could Clear Him

Clear him how much?

Two soliders killed in Afghanistan named

Were they liquidated?

Diamond Oceans Possible on Uranus, Neptune

I think I'll give that particular investment opportunity a miss.

Haiti Tries to Dig Out as Corpses Pile Up

With aftershocks continuing, I hope they're not piled too high.