Man offered degrees for spanking

M.A.= Master of Ass?

Indonesian man loses six teeth when cigarette explodes

Now that's a clever way to discourage smoking.

Rare ailment makes girl, 13, look like she’s 50

Your Honor, the defense rests.

Global Chip Sales Fell in 2009

It's all that bad press about trans fats.

Baptists Say They Were Trying to Do Good in Haiti

Something the Quakers can hardly say.

Plan to halve smokers in 10 years

Stop treating their diseases?

Fire strikes safety testing lab

Fail!

Club soda: Fine for cocktails and stain removal, not for killing ants

I'm not surprised. Soda makes a lousy club.

Google still thinks it can change China

Why not? It's changed the rest of the world.

Obama, Republicans Exchange Barbs At Retreat

He swapped a Barbie doll for Barbara Bush?

Sanitary pads 'cut school absenteeism'

Aren't the lessons absorbing enough?

Overweight elderly 'live longer' than those of normal weight

That's because only the healthiest of the overweight survive to become elderly.

Cheap Car Holds Stacks of Phony Cash

How much more for one with real cash inside?

Haiti memorial for UN quake dead

If that fails, maybe voodoo will stop the zombies.

Warming space spam could annoy alients

As every alient knows, Spam is a dish best served cold.