Mary, Queen of stamps: Scottish monarch commemorated

Years ago they cut off her head; now they're putting it on a stamp.

California governor's race to set spending record

I thought he already had.

Eatery accused of serving whale meat closes

Whale meat again? Don't know where, don't know when.

FAA Faulted for Lax Oversight

Instead of LAX oversight?

Hospital theft suspect claims 'good heart'

Of course, he stole it.

PMS extension dropped to one year

That's still way too long.

Helpful Dads Damage Mother's Self-Esteem at Home

A lazy man's excuse?

Auschwitz sign theft lands 3 in prison

Liberating "Work's liberating" isn't liberating work.

40,000-Year-Old Tools Found at Construction Site

After all these years, work can now resume.

Why Do We Have Daylight Savings Time?

Because who wants to save darkness?

Man Emerges From Coma a Compulsive Artist

Rip Van Gogh?

Coffee Party Founder Wants Common Grounds

Thank you. Please leave the punning to the professionals.

Man shot three times by gunman improving at Harborview

When will that gunman improve enough to hit the target?

Dutch nurses’ union: Care does not include sex

Do they have a demarcation agreement with the whores' union?

Case against Cats star adjourned

Because Macavity wasn't there?