Oil Spill Blackens Pensacola Beach with Mats of Mousse-Like Substance

So there's no need to bring sunscreen?

Douglasville Detective Charged with Battery

He shouldn't have held both terminals at once.

French cannibal blames prison system

Was the jail food really that bad?

Cop Arrests Newlywed Rushing to Hospital

Rushing to the maternity ward?

Jamaican 'Drug Lord' Dudus Coke Is Arrested

But cops are still hunting his partner, Dudus Pepsi.

Workers Trapped After China Mine Blast

Someone buried an exploding soup bowl?

Ant head balancing act revealed

It's old. They did that at the flea circus.

Joran's Ex-Girlfriend: 'He Was Romantic'

So was Count Dracula.

Spaghetti-NOs: Campbell's Recalls 15M Pounds of SpaghettiOs

Erm, that plural should be spaghetti-NI.

Aruba detectives to grill Van der Sloot

I say fry him.

Ask CBS News: Is Gulf Shellfish Safe to Eat?

Yes, just light it with a match and it fries itself.

LIVESHOT: Utah Killer Faces Firing Squad

Wouldn't SHOTDEAD be a better descriptor?

60ft Jesus statue burns to ground

Will it rise, phoenix-like, from its ashes after three days?

Armed pair held at Central Command base

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room."

Cheap drug could save tens of thousands

Dollars or people?