Elephant that performed at Flea World in Sanford dies

Trampled to death by fleas?

It has been a murder-free summer in Orlando

Shh! Someone might try to remedy that.

87% of Hispanics value higher education, 13% have college degree

Is that the other 13%?

Could drinking alcohol help ward off rheumatoid arthritis?

Or does it just ease the pain?

Obama Drives Chevy Volt...10 Feet!

They really need to equip electric cars with longer cords.

Armed robber chooses Jesus over cash

Risky choice. The last thieves who went with him got crucified.

US seizes marijuana worth $1.7bn

That should help the budget deficit...

Why Turkey Still Gets a Cold Shoulder From the E.U.

Could it be because 97% of Turkey is outside Europe?

Doctors should tell people they are fat, not obese, minister says

Are they also too stupid to understand long words?

Police: Man Robs Bank Wearing Fake Breasts

A bank wearing breasts is just asking for a hold-up.

World to Run Out of Internet Addresses by 2012?

Or will it end when the Mayan Calendar runs out of dates?

Tropical Storm Bonnie Makes Landfall Over South Florida

Oh blow the winds o'er the ocean, and bring back my Bonnie to me!

World's Oldest Dog Debated

Now that's a new trick.

Lost Kafka Writings Resurface, Trapped in Trial

How appropriate.

Will Blagojevich Take the Witness Stand?

Probably, unless it's well screwed down.