Earl leaves thousands without power

No wonder the peasants are revolting.

Vatican: Pope monitoring Iran woman sentenced to stoning

Serves him right for meddling in Islamic affairs.

Badly Burned Body Found At Golf Course

Next time, use the crematorium.

Stranded whale to be blown up in harbour

It's been tried. Remember that video of a hail of blubber?

Woman accused of stabbings at Target found incompetent to stand trial

Quite right too. Targets are for shooting at, not stabbing.

Hoarder's body found under rubbish pile

In the end, her rubbish hoarded her.

U.S. to Rap China Over Aluminum

Sounds cacophonous...

Paris on cocaine rap: It wasn't mine

Oh, so she stole it?

8 in 10 Americans Say Economy Is Bad

Not so long ago, they were saying extravagance is good.

Results in National Schoo-Reform Contest Spark Complaints

Apparently, they're incomplete.

Crash man was 'driving starship'

Weren't his deflector shields working?

Taxi driver arrested after death

Why arrest a corpse?

Dinosaur bones in Canadian sewer

Flushing overgrown pets down the toilet is nothing new.

Chilean Miners Could Be Stuck for Months

I hope they're earning overtime.

Dr Kelly death 'textbook suicide'

Proving his killers did their homework well.