Proposed new cigarette warning labels include corpses, cancer patients

That'll appeal to the horror movie crowd.

Warner Bros to develop UK film base

Shouldn't they develop the emulsion?

Panic as Ohio tower falls in the wrong direction

Upwards?

Older white Americans sicker than British peers

Their homes are not as stately, either.

Al-Qaida group claims mail bombs

Waste of time: they won't get them back.

Man accused of fake real estate deals

However, real fake estate deals would have been OK.

Where's the female Brian Cox?

...and what would be her name?

Man jailed over cat in microwave

Must be crowded in there...

Man caught with meth pipe in his underpants in Mesa

Makes a change from crack...

9 people shot at Oakland Halloween party

At least, they think 9 people's injuries are real.

UAE Philharmonic faces fuding woes

Is that the classical version of duelling banjoes?

There Is One Thing Republicans Lack

So did the Tin Man.

Man Arrested in Church Abuse Revenge Beating

Whatever happened to "Turning the Other Cheek"?

Poll: Four in Five Want New Blood in Congress

And by Halloween, even the senators will have become vampires.

Spiritual guardian of Indonesian volcano dies

Now the volcano must look after itself.