CHP to start Thanksgiving holiday enforcement tonight

"Please finish your turkey AND all the stuffing, sir."

Hammer horror actress Pitt dies

This time it's for real.

Man 'joined monastery to steal'

Felonious monk.

70 pre-owned cats adopted at Irvine event

Or rather, 70 cats have adopted replacement humans.

Subway offers secret rainy day freebie

Shelter?

Obama stands by controversial air security screening methods

I don't really want to see the images that accompanied this story.

In hospice, grandmother celebrates belated bat mitzvah

Cramming for her finals?

Call to extend breast screening

The TSA is working on this...

Scientists witness the apparent birth of a black hole

And if they continue to not see it, that'll confirm it's real.

L.A. County passes sweeping ban on plastic bags

Most of them go unswept already anyway.

Eroded Kinder Scout to be fenced

Proving that no good deed goes unpunished.

Proposed new cigarette warning labels include corpses, cancer patients

That'll appeal to the horror movie crowd.

Warner Bros to develop UK film base

Shouldn't they develop the emulsion?

Panic as Ohio tower falls in the wrong direction

Upwards?

Older white Americans sicker than British peers

Their homes are not as stately, either.