What is prayer?

God only knows.

US, China defense chiefs mend frayed military ties

Have defense spending cuts gone too far?

Officer directing traffic on Route 400 struck by car

Clearly not doing his job properly.

Butt-dialing mistake sends SWAT team to Winnetka school

So they could learn to butt-dial properly?

Huntington Beach police use Facebook in hopes of solving 1968 slaying

Trying to trace the victim's friends?

Democrat Abuses Spurred GOP Filibusters

Quite right too. Filibusters shouldn't wear spurs.

Lindsay Lohan battery case strong enough for prosecutors to consider charges, detectives conclude

Now why did this advertisement accompany this story?

Broken Glass Yields Clues to Climate Change

I say the glass fell because the weather changed, not the other way round.

VAT rise 'puts £250,00 jobs at risk'

Especially this sub-editor's.

Job cut notices to arrive 'like confetti'

Are shredded notices valid?

Porn Movie Company Has Another Offer for OctoMom

Are they remaking Octopussy?

Spider-Woman Is Leaving Troubled ‘Spider-Man’

At least she's not eating him.

Deputies Say Robber Wore Same Clothing To Three Holdups

Definitely a case for the fashion police...

Audit under way at troubled north suburban waste agency

A good place to look for it.

Snowstorm heads south; some flights canceled

Or maybe you got no presents because you've been naughty this year.