California mental hospitals are dangerous, legislators told

"WARNING: MAY CONTAIN NUTS"

How Arctic leader shot dead killer polar dear

Eskimo Nell all over again?

Borders to Shut Down

But will that stop the illegal immigrants?

IMF agrees to give Greece $4.2 billion

How many chambermaids does that pay for?

Tears and cheers as the world bids farewell to shuttle

So it's not coming back?

Man Killed Trying to Hold Up Marijuana Dispensary Truck

That's heavy stuff, man...

Police: Man found in restaurant bathroom ceiling

When the shit hit the fan?

Japanese underworld tries to cash in on tsunami clean-up

It created the tsunami, so why not reap the rewards?

Porn star to reveal links with Representative Weiner

How will she choose the lucky sausage?

Runner in half-marathon dies, race shuts down

In Hades, Pheidippides laughs scornfully.

Seniors seek public’s help in dog-snatching

They can't run fast enough themselves.

Man Found in Trash Can Likely Died of Multiple Stab Wounds

Trash cans make poor armor, apparently.

Lawyer Warns Mladic Will Die Before Trial

So execute him now and save everyone's time.

Senate Finance Budget Shrinks Spending 10 Percent

That's better than hiring full-price psychiatrists.

Calif. family finds mountain lion in garage

They wanted a Jaguar, but only got a Cougar.