Professionals who do legal work for gangsters face prosecution under new offence

So it's legal and illegal at the same time?

Scientists Say You Might Meet Aliens in Your Lifetime

Probably right at the end...

Legalizing Medical Marijuana May Actually Reduce Crime, Study Says

And legalizing everything would eliminate crime altogether.

Execution drugs harm breathing and heart function

This is news?

Suicide-attempt survivors go public in hope of aiding many at risk

At risk of failing?

MPs say crime figures cannot be trusted

Because there's no honor among thieves.

Russia May Not Stop at Crimea, NATO Chief Warns

No, there's crimeb, crimec and probably also crimed.

Nevada suicide victim lied about missing wife

So did he shoot her, or just not care when she left?

'Portenous' takes Northville Christian student to national bee

I see you've fixed your headline, but you should hire her to fix your link also.

New Texts Found in Caves That Yielded Dead Sea Scrolls

Old ones would have been more interesting...

Son Repays Her Mother Thirty Years Later

...after gender reassignment?

Girl, 10, crashes mom's SUV into Denver DMV office

That's an automatic fail.

Racist Flier Sent to UCLA Asian American Studies Center

...where he'll receive cultural sensitivity training?

Winter storm warning for Stark County canceled

"Winter is coming" no more?

Student's Pants Set Afire by Apple iPhone

I blame that new lie-detector app.