Uber Eats driver accused of killing customer during delivery

Sentence first, verdict afterwards?

Skier lost in New York doesn't know how he got to California

Cross-country, presumably.

SpaceX Rocket Fuels Thaw in Chilly Musk-Trump Relationship

Just as well really. Frozen rocket fuels can be a problem.

Bitcoin Sheds $67 Billion in a Week as Prices Crash Near $7,000

Being founded on silicon (like the house built on sand) "it fell, and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7:27)

New bipartisan immigration plan introduced in Senate by McCain and Coons

But does it provide adequately for Wops, Spics and Dagos?

My take on Trump's first year as an African-American mom and veteran

That's just wishful thinking. He's not even a veteran yet.

Wait — Donald Trump May Be Having An Extramarital Affair Right Now?!

why not, while the government's shut down?

Self-taught rocket scientist plans to launch over California ghost town

What are the chances that he'll join its residents?

Wall Street's Biggest Bull Sees S&P 500 Pushing Toward 3,000

But the biggest bear sees it pushing into negative territory.

Diesel drivers face £2-an-hour parking charge

Won't that just encourage them to drive more?

South Korea will not develop or possess nuclear weapons, president says

Unless North Korea fires a dud at them.

UK's May Demands End to Sexual Harassment at Top of Politics

Yes, keep it to the bottom.

'Don Trump' Tombstone Among Decor At School Halloween Party

A cardboard standup of the living Trump would have been far scarier.

US Government Urges Judge to Throw Out Lawsuit Over Transgender Solider Ban

Thus making the ban solider still.

North Korea: Trump and Kim call each other mad

So, which one of them is sane?