Our nearest exoplanet neighbor, and any life living there, just got blasted by radiation from its star

But since it's four light-years away, we cannot know this yet.

We still don't know if President Trump will attend the White House correspondents' dinner

..or the co-respondents' dinner?

Uber Eats driver accused of killing customer during delivery

Sentence first, verdict afterwards?

Skier lost in New York doesn't know how he got to California

Cross-country, presumably.

SpaceX Rocket Fuels Thaw in Chilly Musk-Trump Relationship

Just as well really. Frozen rocket fuels can be a problem.

Bitcoin Sheds $67 Billion in a Week as Prices Crash Near $7,000

Being founded on silicon (like the house built on sand) "it fell, and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7:27)

New bipartisan immigration plan introduced in Senate by McCain and Coons

But does it provide adequately for Wops, Spics and Dagos?

My take on Trump's first year as an African-American mom and veteran

That's just wishful thinking. He's not even a veteran yet.

Wait — Donald Trump May Be Having An Extramarital Affair Right Now?!

why not, while the government's shut down?

Self-taught rocket scientist plans to launch over California ghost town

What are the chances that he'll join its residents?

Wall Street's Biggest Bull Sees S&P 500 Pushing Toward 3,000

But the biggest bear sees it pushing into negative territory.

Diesel drivers face £2-an-hour parking charge

Won't that just encourage them to drive more?

South Korea will not develop or possess nuclear weapons, president says

Unless North Korea fires a dud at them.

UK's May Demands End to Sexual Harassment at Top of Politics

Yes, keep it to the bottom.

'Don Trump' Tombstone Among Decor At School Halloween Party

A cardboard standup of the living Trump would have been far scarier.