Retired nurse Winnie, 98, calls on South Tyneside community to support Clap for Carers

Oh, so gonorrhea will protect them against coronavirus?

Meghan will stop Harry hunting, says wildlife expert

Fair enough: she's caught one and doesn't need another.

Hong Kong's pandas mate for first time in decade in privacy of coronavirus lockdown

Could this be the start of a pandademic?

New York coronavirus cases 'dropping for first time'

Like flies.

Bears GM says Nick Foles and Mitchell Trubisky will battle for the starting job: 'It's an open competition'

I expect my namesake will get the job!

Comet of a generation set to light up the night sky

As a portent of "disaster", isn't it a bit behind schedule?

Plastic-eating bacteria could be small step toward tackling world's pollution crisis

Until they escape and start eating all our things.

Stunning photos show Pope Francis praying to an empty St. Peter's Square amid the coronavirus

After praying unsuccessfully to God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary, he'll try anything.

Merkel: Coronavirus is Germany's greatest challenge since World War Two

Let's hope they do better this time.

Passengers on a Virus-Stricken Cruise Ship in Japan Speak About Life Under Quarantine

"Now I am cabin'd, cribb'd, confined, bound in to saucy doubts and fears."

Burger King offers Prince Harry a job

Blatant nepotism.

Johnson celebrates Conservative victory

"Loves, Labour's Lost!"

Thousands of holes found on seafloor off California coast

"And though the holes were rather small, they had to count them all."

Trump Orders Toilet Rule Review, Saying People Flush 10 Times

Only those who are full of shit.

A Third of California Methane Traced to a Few Super-Emitters

How did they find me out?