Judge Takes Paper To Court Over Online Comments

Shouldn't that be electrons, not paper?

Most Young Adults: Oral Sex Is Not Sex

So Bill Clinton was right.

Pope Put Off Punishing Abusive Priest

It's called "turning the other cheek."

Pluto's Dwarf Planet Family Could Get Bigger

Yes, I hear Snow White has some up for adoption.

Straned whale euthanized; dart missing

Maybe it's with the "d" that went AWOL

Priests Commit No More Abuse Than Other Males

But shouldn't they commit less?

Suspect in bank heist was on parole for robbing Starbucks

Did he figure out that twenties are better than ventis?

The IUD Makes a Comeback

But who wants a DUI?

Sandra Bullock: There is No Sex Tape

No, it's a DVD.

Tiger Caught on Golf Course Using Cell Phone

And a big-game capture app?

Leeds man spared jail after drunkenly urinating beside war memorial

He only spared it because he ran out of urine...

New Scrabble to Allow Proper Names

Whatever next? Abbreviations? Hyphens? Foreign words?

Obama to limit use of US nuclear weapons

Next time, they'll use only one?

For aging drivers, knowing when to hang up the car keys can be difficult

Especially when you can't remember where you put them.

At Easter Mass Pope Hailed as "Unfailing"

Of course. As everyone knows, he's infallible.