Joran's Ex-Girlfriend: 'He Was Romantic'

So was Count Dracula.

Spaghetti-NOs: Campbell's Recalls 15M Pounds of SpaghettiOs

Erm, that plural should be spaghetti-NI.

Aruba detectives to grill Van der Sloot

I say fry him.

Ask CBS News: Is Gulf Shellfish Safe to Eat?

Yes, just light it with a match and it fries itself.

LIVESHOT: Utah Killer Faces Firing Squad

Wouldn't SHOTDEAD be a better descriptor?

60ft Jesus statue burns to ground

Will it rise, phoenix-like, from its ashes after three days?

Armed pair held at Central Command base

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room."

Cheap drug could save tens of thousands

Dollars or people?

Actor James Farentino Arrested In Battery Case

Those batteries must have been enormous.

Jimmy Dean Dies at Virginia Home

I don't think I'll be buying those sausages for the next few weeks...

U.S. Drops Organic Food Inspector in China

"Waiter, there's an inspector in my soup!"

BP Deploys New Sensors

Or are they really news censors?

Cabbie ends Extraordinary 14,000km taxi ride

Unfortunately, after his meter hit $99,999.99, it went back to zero.

D.C.'s gay community hopes to wield power in mayor's race

I'm sure there's an electrical joke here, if I could just think of one...

Sniffer dogs in line for an award

What are they sniffing while in line?