Bits: Pay by Phone at Starbucks

And download an appuccino?

Self-Assembling Structures Open Door to New Class of Materials

Those smart buildings must be stopped, or they will take over the world!

Joint Replacements Keep Dogs in the Running

It's cheaper to replace the whole dog.

In Pittsburgh, a Quarterback Split

Into two eighths?

Clone technique could revive the mammoth

Don't. We worked hard to exterminate them.

Giffords' Recovery a 'Miracle,' Doctor Says

Not if you consider the nature of congressional brains.

Triangle Square to get 24 Hour Fitness

Just the place to get in shape.

Gabrielle Giffords shooting: Jared Loughner may get a renowned public defender

After killing a judge, where can he find an impartial court?

What is prayer?

God only knows.

US, China defense chiefs mend frayed military ties

Have defense spending cuts gone too far?

Officer directing traffic on Route 400 struck by car

Clearly not doing his job properly.

Butt-dialing mistake sends SWAT team to Winnetka school

So they could learn to butt-dial properly?

Huntington Beach police use Facebook in hopes of solving 1968 slaying

Trying to trace the victim's friends?

Democrat Abuses Spurred GOP Filibusters

Quite right too. Filibusters shouldn't wear spurs.

Lindsay Lohan battery case strong enough for prosecutors to consider charges, detectives conclude

Now why did this advertisement accompany this story?