Chinese Security Officials Respond to Call for Protests

And dutifully register their official protests.

Internet Use in Bahrain Restricted, Data Shows

Bad idea: instead of surfing the web, now they'll go out and riot.

Baby Gorilla Tiny Takes His First Steps

...and eats them.

Politicians playing poker with California budget

At least there's some chance of balancing it that way...

Courtroom Conflict: Julian Assange's Prosector Accused of Anti-Men Bias

Favoring the female sector?

A tense calm grips Egypt

Better than relaxed turbulence, I suppose.

Retired Avondale police dog dies

Logically, for there to be "Top Stories" there must also be ones like this.

4,535 pounds of pot found on cattle truck in Arizona

Of course. How else would you make pot roast?

Janitor shoots California school principal to death

Who will clean up the blood?

Study: Super Bowl Stress Can Raise Heart Deaths in Fans

Is it stress, or cholesterol-laden chips?

Looters Rip Heads Off 2 Mummies At Egyptian Museum

Will that prevent them from returning to power?

Egypt's Internet goes dark during political unrest

A modern-day plague, or just a "denial" of service?

Ant Farm co-inventor Milton Levine of Thousand Oaks dies at 97

Coming soon: Uncle Milton's worm farm?

Tucson restaurant won't serve African lion tacos

That's OK, he doesn't like tacos anyway.

Banker Ensnared in Galleon Case

I see even Gringotts has its share of problems these days.