Obama Administration Disappointed about New Porn Domain

Mary Whitehouse wouldn't have approved either.

Raffle Winner Gets Chance to Hang Out with Charlie Sheen

And the loser gets...?

"Not realistic" to think Japan reactor will reach criticality

Like it was not realistic to expect a tsunami on the same day as an earthquake?

Japanese PM says the nation facing worst crisis in over 60 years

They got nuked that time too.

Nuclear 'meltdown' no 'China Syndrome,' engineers say

No, it's a "thousand miles east of Uruguay" syndrome.

Princeton 63, Harvard 62: Princeton Beats Harvard at Buzzer

Is that like Boggle?

Pork industry to call on consumers to 'Be Inspired'

"Be Inspired: Eat a Pig!"

California school kids complain of illness after eating pot brownies

Apparently they didn't eat enough.

Stupid Criminal Files: 2 Guys Try to Steal Beer from Convenience Store In Front of 4 Sheriff's Deputies

How stupid. They should have let the deputies steal beer first.

Chinese Security Officials Respond to Call for Protests

And dutifully register their official protests.

Internet Use in Bahrain Restricted, Data Shows

Bad idea: instead of surfing the web, now they'll go out and riot.

Baby Gorilla Tiny Takes His First Steps

...and eats them.

Politicians playing poker with California budget

At least there's some chance of balancing it that way...

Courtroom Conflict: Julian Assange's Prosector Accused of Anti-Men Bias

Favoring the female sector?

A tense calm grips Egypt

Better than relaxed turbulence, I suppose.