Uranus might be full of surprises

That's none of urbusiness.

Regular pot smokers have shrunken brains, study says

But which is cause and which is effect?

Police search Boeing plant; no armed man found

Who was that no armed man?

Paul Perkins quietly approaching 1,000-yard milestone for UCLA football

Has UCLA devalued the mile?

Madison Square Garden Explores Plan to Split Into Two

Madison Triangular Gardens?

Teen collapses and dies at haunted house

For how long did the extra body go unnoticed?

Teen collapses and dies at haunted house

... and its business doubles.

Princeton scientists observe particle that is its own antiparticle

...annihilating itself?

UCLA one of many to be bitten by upset bug

That irate insect has sworn revenge on the nation's top schools...

Monster truck crashes into crowd; At least 2 dead, Dozens hurt

How many monsters were in that truck?

Water in Earth's oceans older than the sun

So darkness really was upon the face of the deep (Genesis 1:2).

Not our fault chimps kill each other, study concludes

In fact, it's their fault that we do.

Rare Chinese Sturgeon Not Reproducing, Close to Extinction

Apparently now the virgin sturgeon needs some urging.

South Africa's crime rate had trigger-happy Oscar Pistorius on edge

So he increased it.

Scientists sequence gibbon genome

Try saying that ten times quickly!