South Korea will not develop or possess nuclear weapons, president says

Unless North Korea fires a dud at them.

UK's May Demands End to Sexual Harassment at Top of Politics

Yes, keep it to the bottom.

'Don Trump' Tombstone Among Decor At School Halloween Party

A cardboard standup of the living Trump would have been far scarier.

US Government Urges Judge to Throw Out Lawsuit Over Transgender Solider Ban

Thus making the ban solider still.

North Korea: Trump and Kim call each other mad

So, which one of them is sane?

New mummies discovered in tomb near Luxor, Egypt

Major manhunt for psychopathic serial killer now underway.

Hurricane Irma will batter Florida and 'devastate the United States,' officials warn

Are these North Korean officials?

As Flooding from Harvey Intensifies, Astronauts Tweet Well Wishes to Houston

"Houston, YOU have a problem."

Trump cuts funds to fight anti-right wing violence

So now he's in favor of anti-right wing violence?

California’s Grid Prepares for Solar Power to Be Eclipsed

Just like they do every night.

Head cameras issued to armed police to improve transparency

Are they linked to a video display on the officer's back?

Statue of Liberty caught in White House immigration row

... and to be put on the next boat back to France.

Astronomers May Have Spotted The First Moon Outside of Our Solar System

Nice work. Now let's see them get it clean again.

Man accused of smuggling king cobras in potato chip cans

Weren't the spring-loaded paper snakes scary enough?

California man sentenced to 16 years in prison for killing 21 cats

That's just over one month per life taken.