EXPERIMENTAL ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE VACCINE MAY CUT DEMENTIA CASES IN HALF

Better than using a chainsaw, I suppose.

St. Louis ballet dancer mysteriously found dead in lake in rural Missouri

Did her swan costume get waterlogged?

President Trump canceled his trip to the World War I memorial because of the rain

Very prudent. Water might melt him.

Stephen Hawking's Final Book Suggests Time Travel May One Day Be Possible

So where are all the tourists from the future?

Coca-Cola to Take It Slow on Marijuana

And putting the coke back in Coke?

Limo in New York crash "not supposed to be on the road," governor says

...which explains why it didn't stay on it.

The Couple Who Helped Decode Dyslexia

After they rearranged the letters, they had Daily Sex.

Partisan Site Revives Old Pence Controversy

First Brexit, now re-duodecimalization?

Political prisoners caged with big cats until they confessed in Ethiopia

"Yes, we knocked over the fish bowl and the cream jug. Now let us out!"

DC is No. 3 on list of cities with the most mosquitos

They still need to drain that swamp.

Indigenous Guatemalan woman shot dead by US Border Patrol

"Serves her right for being foreign!" tweets Trump.

Harry and Meghan's children won't get royal title

She's pregnant already? That was quick!

Transport plane that crashed in Georgia was on final trip

As are most planes that crash.

Trump Admits To Authorizing Stormy Daniels Payoff, Denies Sexual Encounter

And how much hush money will he offer me too, after our sexual encounter (which never happened)?

Hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico Air National Guard mourns after 9 crew killed in Georgia crash

Maybe P.R.A.N.G. was a poor choice of initials for their organization.