Comet of a generation set to light up the night sky

As a portent of "disaster", isn't it a bit behind schedule?

Plastic-eating bacteria could be small step toward tackling world's pollution crisis

Until they escape and start eating all our things.

Stunning photos show Pope Francis praying to an empty St. Peter's Square amid the coronavirus

After praying unsuccessfully to God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary, he'll try anything.

Merkel: Coronavirus is Germany's greatest challenge since World War Two

Let's hope they do better this time.

Passengers on a Virus-Stricken Cruise Ship in Japan Speak About Life Under Quarantine

"Now I am cabin'd, cribb'd, confined, bound in to saucy doubts and fears."

Burger King offers Prince Harry a job

Blatant nepotism.

Johnson celebrates Conservative victory

"Loves, Labour's Lost!"

Thousands of holes found on seafloor off California coast

"And though the holes were rather small, they had to count them all."

Trump Orders Toilet Rule Review, Saying People Flush 10 Times

Only those who are full of shit.

A Third of California Methane Traced to a Few Super-Emitters

How did they find me out?

Groundbreaking fossils reveal how life retook Earth after the dinosaurs

Groundbreaking fossils? Zombie alert!

Dogs credited with busting two men in Connecticut with 420 lbs of marijuana

An appropriate quantity.

Rats find driving tiny cars relaxing, scientists report

They soon won't, once more of them join the rat race.

Giant Hunter's Moon looms over the Northern Hemisphere and is captured in spectacular photographs

Pity: I was hoping to go giant hunting tonight.

Shepard Smith makes shocking announcement that he is leaving Fox News

To avoid the nominal conflict of interest with his employer?